We All Want a Village. So Why Won’t We Show Up?
Everyone wants a village but it feels like nobody wants to build one.
So here is the uncomfortable question. The last time a friend told you "I’m fine," did you actually believe her? Or did you pack a bag and go anyway?
This episode was inspired by the two of us having a bad week. Work stress, grief over lost loved ones, feeling like a failure as a parent. And if we were 30, we would have plastered on a smile, posted a cute story, and said, "I'm fine!" and made a joke of it all but at 40, we had to admit it was complete hell, and then we decided this conversation was worth having on the pod.
And as two women that are all about being the village we would like to have in the messy middle of life, this is quite the worthy conversation.
While today’s digital spaces prioritize friction-free safety and transactional comfort, a genuine village cannot exist without mutual vulnerability, uncalculated sacrifice, and enduring commitment through life’s triumphs and trials. Also it's worth noting that past generations relied heavily on free, everyday favors... things like rides, pet-sitting, or shared childcare. Modern society frequently outsources these needs to paid services, which isolates people and drives up costs.
We’re talking about why people flood your inbox during the crisis, but evaporate a week later. Why the day-five text message matters a thousand times more than the day-one text. Why "Don't worry, you don't need to come" is almost always code for "Please don't let me do this alone." And why women who would literally throw themselves in front of a bus for their friends still can't say four simple words: "Yes. Please come over."
Also on the table: Dante’s midlife crisis, our husbands officially being put on notice and our dead-serious plan to buy a Tuscan co-living farmhouse before we turn 60.
Grab a coffee. Who’s coming with us?
In this episode, we cover:
- "I'm fine" is bullshit
- Two highly sensitive people walk into a podcast: absorbing everyone's emotions, and ....what it costs
- The follow-up is the friendship: on not missing important cues
- Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita mi ritrovai per una selva oscura : even Dante got lost in the messy middle
- Loneliness is a health risk: the Blue Zones, micro-interactions, and why "we should get coffee sometime" isn't community.
- Husbands, we need to talk: why our men often suck at friendship (and still want to move in with our girlfriends)
- The dream: a village of women, Friday dinners, shared soup, kids watched by everyone, yet everyone has their own space
- "I love you, but I'm in survival mode": what friendship actually looks like after 40
- Being the pillar: why you can't fall apart while you're holding everyone else up
- Everyone disappears after the funeral: why month three hurts more than week one, and who's still texting by then
- How to be a better villager, starting this week: call people randomly, stop waiting for the perfect moment, and let someone bring takeout and put on a silly show
- Steal our rituals: hairdresser dates, errand buddies, walk-and-talks and 20-minute voice notes
- Songs vs. homework: Valentina sends her husband love songs. Georgette sends hers assignments lol.
Tell us
How do you show up as a villager? And if you're still looking for your village, what's stopping you from starting one? Send us a DM on instagram or leave a comment.
Links mentioned
- Vivace Book Club https://anewlifeinitaly.substack.com/s/vivace-book-club
- Children's Lending Library, Florence: https://childrenslendinglibrary.wordpress.com/
Big thanks to Vivace Media for producing the show, and to Zoworking for hosting us at Punta Ala. If this one hit home, send it to the friend you've been meaning to call.